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Post by President B. Dazzle on Feb 26, 2007 8:50:43 GMT -5
Superstar Suspended Indefinitely for Failing Wellness Program
FWE Superstar Dude Love is said to have horrifically failed the random drug testing done to the FWE's superstars. Rumor has is that the test found trace amounts of marijuana and enough acid to make his piss technicolor, which would also explain the poor performance against The People's Champ. On this issue, Team College Kegger spokesman Bradshaw said, "Look, we may love to enjoy a beer from time to time, but we don't abdicate the use of illegal substances in any way, shape, or form. Dude Love has been released from our roster, and it is our intention to sign the best free agent on the market today."
Goldust Preparing for French Invasion
Team College Kegger member Goldust is said to be waiting in anticpation for his match with Rene Dupree. Says the golden one, "While Davey B was a big heaping hunk of a man, it was clear that he couldn't handle the heat. I have always been a foreign film affection-ado, and this upcoming card, I get to sink my teeth into some fine French meat. Rene Dupree, I hear that Frenchmen are better lovers than fighters. Come this Sunday, I hope you prove them right."
Goldust then inhaled and bit the air. More happened, but the reporter had to go vomit.
APA Too Drunk to Care
The APA was seen in their office, drinking and playing cards with the rest of Team College Kegger. When asked what their thoughts were on potential matchups between them and the FBI or them and the Hurrifriends, the duo shrugged, with Bradshaw saying, "We don't care. We're here to drink beer, play cards, and whoop ass. Whoever's next will get the same thing that the Hardyz got." Farrooq then followed up with a rousing, "DAMN~!", but it was quickly discovered that he damned because Moolah lost a hand of Strip Poker. That sent everyone running.
Chavo vows to be more offensive in future contests
After a disappointing outing where Chavo Guerrero fell in a heated opening contest to Tajiri, Chavo vowed that he had the key to more and better offensive production. "I've thrown a new wrinkle in my offense," the Mexican grappler stated. "I plan on coming off the top rope a little bit more this week. That might be the difference between success and failure." Chavo is not currently scheduled, but an announcement about the Cruiserweight division is forthcoming.
The Fabulous Moolah is more offensive now
Moolah allegedly performed a striptease in the APA's office recently. I say allegedly, because no one stayed to watch it for fear of projectile vomiting.
Team College Kegger close to signing new heavyweight
This coming week, Team College Kegger is to announce their replacement for the recently-cut Dude Love. Sources close to the negotiations stated that John Cena was an absolute lock for the role until Team Bojangles released Chris Jericho. Now TCK is listening to Jericho's pitch and the self-proclaimed Highlight of the Night MIGHT unseat Cena from what was considered a done deal. More on this as it developes.
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