Ok...only one more uberpost...because the host over there will kill me if I keep c/p things from his site :-)
www.ubersite.com/m/39081You want more ice? YOU WANT MORE ICE!? HERE'S YOUR DAMNED ICE, YOU CUNT!!
Author: Tom Sorrell
First off, let me say that this story is 100% true, and the McDonald's employee in question has become my own personal Jesus. (Ironically, his name happens to be Jesus; but he's Mexican so he pronounces it "Hey Zues.")
Yesterday I walked into the local McDonald's eatery to purchase an artery-clogging cholesterol nugget(a Big Mac), an assortment of grease covered fried potatoes, and a pseudo-citrus frozen dairy product (strawberry milkshake). I walked to the counter and was greeted by the coffee-stained smile face of Bertha, the McDonald's lady.
(Please note, Bertha is not her actual name; however, in all my twenty-five years, I have never seen anyone more fitting of the name Bertha than her. Try this: think of the name Bertha... what pops into your head? That's the lady who works the front counter at my McDonald's.)
Anyway, after I ordered, Bertha took my money and I moved to the left side to wait for my food. As I was standing there, I happened to glance into the area of the drive through window where I noticed a young Hispanic man muttering spanish words under his breath and pouring out a cup of soda. Apparently someone had pissed him off as he was visibly shaking. His face was red, his eyes were bulging, and his voice was getting louder and louder with each word. (Basically, he was the Latino version of Samuel L. Jackson. I think I even heard him say something about Ezekiel 25:17, but I can't be sure.)
Now I'm a curious person, so I inched closer to see what was happening. It soon became obvious that Jesus was having a problem with a woman at his window. I could hear her talking, and I could see him clenching his fists while filling up the cup of soda he had just poured out, but I had no idea what was going on. The solution? I walked behind the counter to see what was happening.
I saw him take the soda and turn to the window. When he handed the soda to the woman in the car, and I heard her say:
"There is still too much ice in this one!!"
Jesus' back stiffened. He took the soda back, poured it out, and re-filled it. Then he added half a scoop of ice with the ice scooper, put the lid on, and handed it to the woman.
"Honestly, you're just adding WAY too much ice!" she whined.
Again, he took back the cup, filled it with soda, added a small amount of ice, and handed the cup back to her.
"Now there's not enough ice!!" she screamed. "What's your problem Paco? No hablas english?"
Cut to my reaction:
OH.
MY.
GOD.
If anyone ever said something like that to Sam Jackson, he would pull out a 9 MM pistol and fire six shots into their face. I was expecting something similar from Jesus. Instead, an eery calm washed over him and he politely said:
"Ma'am, I'm all out of ice here, I have to go get some more from the ice machine. I'll be right back."
I watched as Jesus walked to the back of the store, and returned with a large bucket full of ice and an enormous grin on his face. But the young man played it cool, he did not empty the contents of said bucket. Instead, he took back the cup of soda, refilled it, and dropped a single ice cube into it in full view of the woman.
"You damned moron!" she shouted. "That's not enough ice!! And you touched it with your filthy mexican hands, that's disgusting."
It was then that Paco made his move.
He calmly asked her:
"You want more ice?"
"Yes," she replied. "And this time..."
"YOU WANT MORE ICE!?" he screamed. "HERE'S YOUR DAMNED ICE, YOU CUNT!!"
With that, he picked up the bucket and poured the ice into her car, laughing maniacally the entire time. Then he picked up the soda, threw it at her, and said: "And here is your fucking soda to go with it!!"
Then he calmly walked out of the restaurant, got into his car, and drove off... smiling the entire time.
I could still hear the screams coming from the woman in the car. I walked outside and there I saw an irate business woman, sitting in a Mercedes convertible, soda in her hair and ice all over the place. She had the Carrie, "I just got pig's blood dumped on me," look on her face and pure hatred in her eyes. She put her car in gear and rocketed out of the parking lot. I assume she was chasing Jesus (the Mexican who dumped soda and ice on her, not God).
I walked back into the store, picked up my food and left. A Big Mac never tasted so good.
Thank you Jesus, you brightened my day.
