Stupid people do stupid things...

[President B. Dazzle]

What's life without a dose of stupid people to laugh at without feeling an ounce of guilt?

>ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could
>have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen
>nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
>counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve,"
>was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order
>six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
>
>
>
>TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and
>the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked
up
>one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed
>it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
>scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all
>over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code
she
>said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've
changed
>my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid
>her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just
happened.
>
>
>
>THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
>drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
>was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
>asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "th! ingy."
>
>
>
>FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do
>you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
>replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get
into
>my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)
>would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an
alarm,
>too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it
>and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the
>door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the
>batteries. It's a long walk."
>
>
>
>FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day
>she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
>typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
>secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining
blank
>piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
>"blank" copies.
>
>
>
>SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
>towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
>repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister."
>I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
>set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
>
>
>
>SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
>office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
>problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
>one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming
>from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
>
>
>
>EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
>colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
>machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
>pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
>telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the
suspect
>confessed.
>
>
>
>NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs
>to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
>dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine,
>the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush
>him in to emergency!
>
>
>
>Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."